Over the years, women that I have worked with, and more recently, women on my Freedom Programmes have described to me how they have felt that they were to blame for the abuse they experienced from their abusive partners. They felt that they too, have been abusive in the relationship and their partner/ex partner’s have told them that they are being abusive and that they are merely retaliating! They tell me they have argued back, yelled, screamed, thrown things and even been physically violent and that surely if they are doing these things they must also be abusive?!
I have always known that this is most certainly not the case. But trying to explain it has been tricky. Until now!
I have started seeing lots of articles about ‘Reactive Abuse’. I’m not actually sure if this is a new phenomenon or whether it has always been there but it has never caught my eye before! This article below explains ‘Reactive Abuse’ really well.
Reactive Abuse: What It is and Why Abusers Rely on It – Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence (breakthesilencedv.org)
I am often told by women on my Freedom Programmes that are still in the abusive relationship that once they have been doing the programme for a few weeks they find themselves reacting differently to various behaviours of their partner, where once they would ‘react’ by shouting and getting upset and frustrated, they now see that this is a tactic their abuser is using to exert control. They therefore, do not ‘react’ in the same way anymore and they feel that their partner is confused by this. They are! We are no longer ‘reacting’. We are responding which involves really considering how we react to a situation. Therefore, what we are actually doing is taking back some of that control that our abuser has over us. No wonder he is confused!!!
One in five offences – more than a quarter of a million – recorded by police during and immediately after the first national lockdown in England and Wales last year involved domestic abuse, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS) and there are fears of similar figures emerging amid the current national lockdown.
Although The Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has made it clear that people can leave their home and travel if it is to escape domestic abuse, the reality is that being at home with your abuser 24 hours a day, means the opportunities to flee are going to be practically non-existent.
But as the UK comes out of this lockdown, whenever that may be, it is more important than ever before to make sure that every organisation, agency, staff room, reception, G.P surgery, dentist surgery, hairdressing salon, nail bar – the list is endless – has the resources and products to raise awareness of domestic abuse and how victims/survivors can get help, support and advice.
Well look no further! Head to my website page – Items for Sale – Sharon Bryan Consultancy Community Interest Company for all your awareness raising needs. From information on The Freedom Programme to free resources from NCDV (National Centre for Domestic Violence) to my own awareness raising merchandise, it’s all there.
Can you make a difference?
Happy New Year and thank you to everyone that has supported me in 2021, professionally and personally.
It has been a really tough year for everyone. The pandemic has brought with it new ways of living and working and surviving! Sacrifices made and people we love lost. Women imprisoned in homes with their abusers – even less able to escape than before.
The light at the end of the tunnel is still very dim! But we can do this. If we all pull together.
We can make 2021 a happier, healthier and safer year for everyone.
I wanted to flag up this article which was brought to my attention by the Freedom Programme, which I facilitate.
Can You Tell The Difference Between A Men’s Magazine And A Rapist? (jezebel.com)
I didn’t think I was easily shocked anymore, but when I tried to guess the answers to the questions within this article, I was very shocked!!
This is what is wrong with our society! This is why men think it is ok to be abusive to women. We can not simply stand by and shrug our shoulders.
Try to answer the questions. I think you will be shocked too!!
If your partner cares about domestic abuse – If they support the cause to end violence against women and make domestic abuse socially unacceptable – and you are in need of ideas for their Christmas stocking! Then look no further! The awareness raising products make great presents and also help me to support women experiencing domestic abuse.
For prices please follow the link below:
Items for Sale – Sharon Bryan Consultancy Community Interest Company
These fridge magnets come as a pair and are a visual reminder of the difference between an abusive man and a non abusive man. Perfect for women who have experienced domestic abuse, regardless of whether they have completed The Freedom Programme or not.
Also ideal for organisations and qualified individual facilitators of The Freedom Programme to give to women who attend their programmes. I often give these to women once they have completed the programme, as a gift, but also to remind them of the knowledge they have acquired by participating in the programme.
£2 a pair plus free postage & packing.
For bulk order prices, please contact
These pretty ‘Catch Your Dream’ Fund jars make wonderful night lights. I know, because I use one for the same purpose. Made by a very close friend of mine and fellow survivor of domestic abuse, they make lovely Christmas presents for that special person in your life and by purchasing one, you are also supporting women experiencing domestic abuse.
£6 plus postage & packing.
In the UK 1 in 4 women experience domestic abuse in their lifetime and 2 women a week are killed.
For the year ending March 2019 – 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse in the UK.
At a time when more and more women are trapped in their own homes as a result of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns – safety planning is paramount.
An ordinary looking keyring with a simple design that would ‘go over’ most abusers heads with not a second thought. But using a small coin, the casing comes apart and inside is a hidden, pull out, personalised safety plan with guidance on what to do to avert a crisis situation, what to do in an emergency and who to call for help and assistance.
The cost of domestic abuse on the public purse, in the UK, is estimated to be £5.5 billion pounds a year!!
These potentially life saving safety plan keyrings cost £4 each with free postage and packing. Bundles of 5, 10, 15 & 20 keyrings are available at a discount.
Let’s do the maths!!
For more information and details of how to order and pay, please contact me on