Recommend to read……

I have just finished reading this book.  It is not a true story but it perfectly illustrates what coercive control and abuse is.  Albeit, in it’s most serious form and I obviously do not recommend anyone reading this does what ‘Grace’ does to end the abuse!  Nevertheless, a gripping book from page 1.

SharonBryanConsultancy – Newsletter March 2016.

eggshellscolour

All comments and opinions are wholly my own and I will respect others opinions and comments.  I will uphold confidentiality and strive at all times to be anti discriminatory in the writing of these newsletters.
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A very warm welcome to my first newsletter…….

I want to thank you so much for subscribing to receive my newsletters and hope you find them both informative and useful.

Those of you that know me will know I am not particularly a whizz on technology!  so please bear with me and I am sure I will get better as time goes on.  I am passionate about all things VaWg (Violence against Women and girls) and plan to feature media articles of interest in relation to this field of work.  Along with any new legislation and my own views, opinions and questions on these subjects.  I would be thrilled for any feedback you might like to give me and any suggestions for further newsletters.  Also, if you have anything you want to advertise – jobs, services etc,  then please let me know and I am more than happy to include it in future editions.
In these newsletters, I will also try to highlight any new legislation that has been launched.  On the 25th February 2016, the Home Office launched the following –
https://www.disrespectnobody.co.uk/
‘Disrespect
Nobody’ is version 2.0 of ‘This is abuse’, an earlier initiative for young people raising awareness of Healthy Relationships.  Worth a look I think.

 

International Women’s Day.

Today is International Women’s Day.  All around the world, people are celebrating women and paying tribute to those who have lost their lives to Violence against Women and Girls.  So I thought I would add this link for those who might want to go along to an event, wherever you are in the world.
https://www.internationalwomensday.com/Events

 

In every newsletter, I will try to add links to various media articles of interest, nationally and internationally.  Below is a selection of articles from around the world which I thought you might find interesting.

Interesting Articles from the UK.

Domestic violence legal aid changes were ‘invalid’

Woman shot by abusive former husband backs domestic violence scheme

Violent domestic abusers to be given one-to-one help

Jayden Parkinson murder: ‘Flawed’ response highlighted in serious case review

Sold into Marriage in Yemen at 13 – I am so fortunate to count this brave and inspiring woman as a friend of mine.  There is a link to Gabby’s book on my website.  It is a very powerful true story of her fight for her own and her children’s survival.

International Articles.

The girl who said ‘no’ to marriage

Spanish star stops show to come to fan’s aid

Jose Reyes: Baseball star suspended amid domestic violence case

China’s Domestic Violence

Letter from Africa: Namibia’s battle with passion killings

What makes a Murderer?

I recently read an article in the ‘Mail Online’ titled ‘How to spot a serial killer – Five key traits’. The traits were:

  • A power junkie
  • A manipulator
  • An egotistical bragger
  • A superficial charmer
  • An average Joe

It struck me that these traits are the same traits often seen in abusive men.  The Freedom Programme covers all of these, albeit named slightly differently, their meaning is the same.  I have often wondered how many men who are abusive to their partners, go on to be serial killers?  Yes, I know it is not particularly a light-hearted thing to think about but I guess that is just me!  When you do the job I do, there is a temptation to look at every man and wonder if he is a perpetrator.  Though I honestly do try to resist that temptation!
When I was researching this topic I came across hundreds of articles on the internet which highlighted the links between Domestic Abuse and Animal cruelty.  Of course, those of who work in the field know that this is accurate and there is a very strong link with these two things.  But I was surprised at how very little there was on the links between Domestic Abuse and Serial killers.  Is it just part of ‘the big cover up’? I wondered.  By that, I mean the way in which the words Domestic Abuse/Violence are still seen by many in the media to be ‘taboo’ words that you dare not say, never mind print!  How many times do we read the paper on the way to work, and see stories of women being killed in their homes sometimes followed by ‘police are looking for  woman’s partner as someone they are interested in speaking to’.  Those of us who do this work know instantly it is a Domestic Homicide.  But anyone else may not read between the lines as we do.
If we as a society broke down those taboo’s and actually said the words ‘Domestic Abuse’ more often, if our media outlets printed those words more often, then people would come to realise just how common Domestic Abuse is.  They may be more likely over time to report it if they see or hear it.  Women who are experiencing it may be more likely to report it.  And the corridors of power may be more likely to stop cutting the funding of valuable organisations that support women and perhaps more importantly, support men to change their behaviour and understand that what they are doing is wrong.  I see it at work every day, more so in last few months – organisations closing, having their funding cut, forcing the organisation to make staff redundant.  In my opinion this is because they simply do not know the scale of Domestic Abuse.  It is something that happens to other people.  Something that doesn’t happen in ‘our borough’!  But if we put more money and time into supporting men to change their behaviour and hold them accountable for their actions, we would be literally saving lives not to mention millions of tax payers money.   Take this example –
Milly Dowler murder: Levi Bellfield’s confession ‘could lead to others’
In 2000 I was working in a refuge as a refuge worker.  I was supporting a young woman who had fled her abusive partner and come into the refuge with her two small children.  Once or twice, I took her children into a busy city shopping centre away from the area of the refuge, so they could see their father.  He presented as a pleasant man.  Charming and friendly.  He missed his children and his partner so much.  Not that his pleasant demeanour ever fooled me.  For I knew different.  My client had confided in me and told me of all the unspeakable things he had done to her.  What has this got to do with the article link?, I hear you say.  The father was Levi Bellfield.
Imagine my horror when I saw his face on my television screen a few years later.  At the time of his original conviction, there was some mention of the fact that he had abused his former partner.  But only briefly and remember, I was looking out for this.  When we see pictures of this man now we instantly think of him as a serial killer.  We wonder, what made him do this?  Is he mad?.  Was he on drugs?.  The answer is much closer to home.  He was a perpetrator of Domestic Abuse and he was never held accountable for his actions then.  He committed these heinous crimes simply because he could!  He abused his former partner, simply because he could and no one told him otherwise!
What if someone had told him otherwise back in 2000?  I don’t need to expand on the answer to that, do I?
I make no apology if this article has shocked and/or upset anyone reading it.  Because as I have said before, if more people spoke about what is deemed to be taboo, women and girls would be much safer.

 

 

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